Soooo…

I was in the nail salon getting a manicure yesterday and I suddenly felt like I wanted to do something out of the ordinary for me. Something bold…for me.

I only recently started getting manicures. I used to think they were extravagant and a waste of time and money. Because I can easily do my own nails at home, right?

Except I wasn’t really good at it. And more often than not my nails went neglected and would chip and crack a lot. I was constantly needing to file them and I resisted doing it for some reason. And I was too busy/lazy to actually apply any strengtheners or polish.

Anyway…TMI?

Suffice it to say that my nails didn’t look great when I took care of them myself. And once I started getting manicures, they looked much better for sure, but they were also healthier. Now they never chip or crack!

Yet another lesson learned to let the experts take care of things I have no business doing for myself.

OK, so I’m at the nail salon and I decide to deviate from the standard, conservative colors that I normally get…namely some shade of pink or red. That’s what Good Girls get, right?

But this day, of all days, I decided to go for blue. And not a watered down pale shade of blue that might be mistaken for white. Oh no! No pastels for this lady!!!

I select an in-your-face, deep, dark blue. Almost maybe a teal. Perhaps.

So I’m getting my nails done and Emily, my nail tech asks, “Do you want fairy dust?”

OK, I already told you that I’ve always previously gone the Good Girl route which means very conservative and expected colors that no one would bat an eyelash at. Plus I’m fairly new to the mani-pedi world.

What the hell is fairy dust? I have no clue!

Then the woman sitting in the chair next to me who’s also getting her nails done says, “Oh I used to get fairy dust on my nails all the time. You’ll like it! And she can just apply it to one nail so you can see if you like it before committing. I would still be getting fairy dust or chrome on my nails but I can’t because of work.”

So after Emily shows me what fairy dust looks like (it’s a kind of sparkly very subtle glitter that she has on her own nails and then another nail tech agrees that I’ll like it and shows me that she has it on her nails too!) I agree to letting her apply it to ONE nail.

I’d already dived into the commitment of shocking blue nail polish and apparently that took a lot of energy out of me. I wasn’t prepared to commit to something else completely new but not entirely opposed to it either.

So I picked the SAFE route…just try one nail before committing.

That’s what Good Girls do, right?

Plus Good Girls don’t like to disappoint anyone.

And I had some mild peer pressure going on from Emily, the lady in the chair next to me and that other nail tech.

But I did check in with myself and decided I was open to new experiences….so I said yes…to One nail.

And then Emily applied it and it looked damn cute!

So I gave her the green light to sprinkle me liberally with fairy dust. Yes, please!

And then I turned to the woman in the chair next to me and thanked her for her advice and then asked, “What kind of work do you do?”

Turns out she works for an attorney’s office.

Turns out they are very conservative. So fairy dust just doesn’t fly there.

And she expressed real regret about having to compromise how she’d really like to do her nails for her job, but she did it with a shrug like “it is what it is” and she’s made her peace with it.

Because towing the line and fitting in because that’s what’s expected at work…well that’s just what Good Girls do, isn’t it?

AND yet…

I could see in her expression and her body language that giving in and fitting in was draining away some of the energy, light and life out of her.

And I would say that in that moment I felt lucky about the fact that I work for myself and so I can dress and do my nails however I damn well please. But listen…luck had nothing to do with it.

I choose to say good-bye for good to the world of well paying jobs where you have to compromise who you are at every turn. (My last job back in 2003 was a doozy. A wonderful non-profit organization where I thought I could do some real good in the community that came part and parcel with a demonic CEO who wanted to suck the life out of everyone for the cause. To this day I am forever grateful to him for making it so damn easy to quit that job and walk without a backwards glance into the world of entrepreneurship.)

And again luck had nothing to do with it.

And even when I started working for myself, it certainly wasn’t rainbows and fairy dust! But it damn sure beat out the alternative at the time. After years of struggle, I make way more money than I ever did in any of my careers and I love working for myself and from wherever I want. And getting a shocking blue manicure with fairy dust in the middle of a Thursday is pretty sweet.

Now I’m not saying, “Screw being a Good Girl! Quit your damn day job and run wild and free!!!”

But have an awareness of how you’re falling into the trap of being the Good Girl and compromising yourself.

And decide whether or not that’s OK with you. Or are you just following along by default? Are you giving your power away when you don’t really have to because you assumed that’s what’s needed in this situation?

It’s so easy for People Pleasers to work like hell to anticipate the needs, wants, expectations, and desires of others without ever asking for and getting confirmation.

So we run around thinking we know what will please others or that it is in fact what they demand, when we don’t necessarily know that it’s true.

Maybe fucking fairy dust is perfectly fine at the office. Maybe no one would even notice you had it on. Maybe they’re not scrutinizing you all that closely! Maybe, maybe not.

So begin to look at where you might be compromising yourself based on assumptions.

And then, if it’s true that in order to keep a job or a relationship or the career you need to tow the line, ask, “Is it worth it?”

Is it worth it?

Am I willing to make these tiny sacrifices or some really fucking huge sacrifices in order to keep this job/relationship/career?

Or am I just so used to being the Good Girl?

And by the way, the opposite of being the Good Girl isn’t necessarily being the Bad Girl.

And what is a Bad Girl anyway?

A woman who doesn’t do what she’s told, who speaks her mind, who is unique and creative, who thinks for herself…

Is that a Bad Girl?

Or is a Bad Girl someone who breaks the law and goes on killing sprees, or who poisons her own child to get attention like someone out of a movie on Lifetime?

I think it’s so easy to believe that ANY deviation, no matter how small or large, immediately turns us from a Good Girl into a Bad Girl.

And if you’ve lived your whole life believing on a conscious or subconscious level that you need to be a Good Girl in order to survive, then it makes perfect sense that you, as smart and clever and observant as you are, would do whatever it takes to stay in the Good Girl box.

And just say good-bye to fairy dust forever! Sigh.

And even if it’s true that your job has a strict dress and grooming code and that you simply, in this moment, need that job in order to keep the lights on, food on the table, and peace of mind at night…

Then how are you unleashing the part of you who longs for a little fairy dust now and then?

Are you allowing yourself to indulge in creativity when you clock out at the end of the day?

Are you playing dress up when you go out on the weekend in fabulous and sometimes shocking outfits that only YOU could put together?

Are you giving yourself time to scribble in your journal, read books and stories that transport you, listen and dance to music that moves you, body and soul?

Are you getting that easy-to-conceal tattoo you’ve always pined for that expresses who you are?

You can do it!

You can give yourself permission to be wildly creative, loud and funny, to act like an oddball or just be quirky as hell.

You can let the weirdo in you out now and then.

In fact, you can’t afford not to…not if you want to live.

…Not if you don’t want to exist in some zombie-like limbo land.

Go ahead…I dare you!

Say yes to fairy dust! Say yes to you.

And remember…You’re so weird! And I love that about you!

Hugs!

Kim

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